Just Sayin'

I will admit that I am rather concerned by some of the things I have read on Facebook. It is not disagreement but graceful disagreement that makes the world a better place. Grace in disagreement - expressing how this issue could be different and how is an essential part of human communication and experience. As a culture we might well evolve through disagreement. Ideas subjected to criticism grow stronger than ideas left unchallenged.

 When I was a kid we often said to our playmates, sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me. Maybe that is true in innocent play but we knew that in reality it wasn't completely true. Words can be detrimental to our spirit as the receiver of harsh and aggressive comments. Aggressive comments tear down rather than build up.

 My biggest concern about aggressive words is the damage to the soul of the one speaking or writing them. Aggressive feelings come from anger, but aggressive words come from aggressive anger put into action. Brené Brown gives some guidelines of engaged feedback. Firstly, I know I am ready to give feedback when:

• I'm ready to sit next to you rather thuan across from you

• I'm willing to put the problem in front of us rather than between us (or sliding it toward you).

• I'm ready to listen, ask questions, and accept that I may not fully understand the issue.

• I want to acknowledge what you do well instead of picking apart your mistakes.

• I recognize your strengths and how you can use them to address your challenges.

• I can hold you accountable without shaming or blaming you.

• I'm willing to own my part.

• I can genuinely thank you for your efforts rather than criticize you for your failings.

• I can talk about how resolving these challenges will lead to your growth and opportunity.

• I can model the vulnerability and openness that I expect to see from you.

I suspect that this sounds rather idealistic and maybe even impossible but it is certainly something to think about and something that can soothe the soul. So as you think about dealing with disagreements that need to be said, stop and think about how God would want you to prepare, what would God want you to say, and how would God want you to say it.

Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect
the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.

Ephesians 4:15 (NIV).